£5 billion for a photo
It used to cost one rouble and a bottle of vodka for a family snap by the village photographer with his box camera and sodium flare. The vodka cost less than the rouble, but was valued more by the photographer. This helps explain why the Kostovs have no useful photographs from earlier than about 1997.
Compare this aristocratic waste with the parsimony of our "servants of the people" who serve themselves with as much gravy as they can from the trough of public money. For them, a photo oportunity does not cost a rouble. It costs £5 billion.
£5 billion for a photo? We could buy 2.5 billion bottles of vodka, duty free, which would be enough to keep the Kostov photographer happy and enough to make sure none of the Kostovs cared that his photographs looked like a blizzard viewed through a drunk's eyes. Given that most of the time we were drunk and living in a blizzard, this may help explain why his photographs turned out the way they did.
Here's how to spend £5 billion on a photo.
Set up something called the school Academies, which is a Good Thing. It is all about educashon. That means nice stories about edukating kids and lots of pictures of smiling politicians and smiling children in front of brand new skools which have been built at a cost of £25 million each. Then build 200 akademiz.
There is a problem with building new skools and hoping it will improve iddugation. Last time I checked, chrome and glass, however new and shiny, does not edugate. If I remember rightly, nanny and then the governess eddugated. They did not cost £25 billion. And there was no chance of vandalising the governess, unlike the chrome and glass which will all be falling down in 25 years because the kids have decided to practice some conceptual, socially inclusive art on the fabric of the scool, and the politicians can not be arsed to pay for any maintenance: once they have got their photo unveiling the plaque to the brand new skule they don't want anything more to do with it. Graffiti covered, vandalised, rotting skools are not such good photo opportunities.
Of the £25 million per school, how much goes to hiring good staff?
Zero. Nada. Nothing. Zip.
So now we know how the government will raise edugashion standards: new buildings, same old failed teachers and the same old failed methods.
If you listen carefully, you can hear the politicians huffing and puffing in the background that the Accadimmies are all about giving freedom to the scule to experiment. You can give them freedom without blowing £25 million on buildings. And freedom without the cash to hire a good few governesses, nannies or even teachers is pretty pointless. It is called giving people the freedom to fail.
Once they have failed, the true cost of the akedimies will become clear as the pupils graduate from skool to crime and to prison. The cost of keeping a failed student in prison is over £30,000 a year, which is more than the £23,000 a year Eton charges. Even allowing for spending on tail coats, skiing trips and the obligatory heroin addiction, Eton works out much cheaper than prison. And Eton is able to get away with using 500 year old buildings, which doubtless the government would want to improve with a shiny new steel and glass set of buildings which will collapse in 25 years' time.
So if you want a proper education and reduced costs, look to the aristocracy. They are far less wasteful than the spendthrifts who are addicted to spending taxpayer's money. Minister Kostov is pleased to be of service.......
Compare this aristocratic waste with the parsimony of our "servants of the people" who serve themselves with as much gravy as they can from the trough of public money. For them, a photo oportunity does not cost a rouble. It costs £5 billion.
£5 billion for a photo? We could buy 2.5 billion bottles of vodka, duty free, which would be enough to keep the Kostov photographer happy and enough to make sure none of the Kostovs cared that his photographs looked like a blizzard viewed through a drunk's eyes. Given that most of the time we were drunk and living in a blizzard, this may help explain why his photographs turned out the way they did.
Here's how to spend £5 billion on a photo.
Set up something called the school Academies, which is a Good Thing. It is all about educashon. That means nice stories about edukating kids and lots of pictures of smiling politicians and smiling children in front of brand new skools which have been built at a cost of £25 million each. Then build 200 akademiz.
There is a problem with building new skools and hoping it will improve iddugation. Last time I checked, chrome and glass, however new and shiny, does not edugate. If I remember rightly, nanny and then the governess eddugated. They did not cost £25 billion. And there was no chance of vandalising the governess, unlike the chrome and glass which will all be falling down in 25 years because the kids have decided to practice some conceptual, socially inclusive art on the fabric of the scool, and the politicians can not be arsed to pay for any maintenance: once they have got their photo unveiling the plaque to the brand new skule they don't want anything more to do with it. Graffiti covered, vandalised, rotting skools are not such good photo opportunities.
Of the £25 million per school, how much goes to hiring good staff?
Zero. Nada. Nothing. Zip.
So now we know how the government will raise edugashion standards: new buildings, same old failed teachers and the same old failed methods.
If you listen carefully, you can hear the politicians huffing and puffing in the background that the Accadimmies are all about giving freedom to the scule to experiment. You can give them freedom without blowing £25 million on buildings. And freedom without the cash to hire a good few governesses, nannies or even teachers is pretty pointless. It is called giving people the freedom to fail.
Once they have failed, the true cost of the akedimies will become clear as the pupils graduate from skool to crime and to prison. The cost of keeping a failed student in prison is over £30,000 a year, which is more than the £23,000 a year Eton charges. Even allowing for spending on tail coats, skiing trips and the obligatory heroin addiction, Eton works out much cheaper than prison. And Eton is able to get away with using 500 year old buildings, which doubtless the government would want to improve with a shiny new steel and glass set of buildings which will collapse in 25 years' time.
So if you want a proper education and reduced costs, look to the aristocracy. They are far less wasteful than the spendthrifts who are addicted to spending taxpayer's money. Minister Kostov is pleased to be of service.......
posted by Count Kostov at
9:28 am
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home