The cost of vermin
The cost of vermin is far too high.
The slimey creepy crawlies who represent the lowest form of life on the planet, apart from Oasis, are of course our pompous, preening, overpaid MPs. Not that anything has changed in the last few thousand years ago. These low life have always been among us, easily identified by their brown noses and tongues.
Here is one version: "they are ungrateful, fickle, simulators and deceivers, avoiders of danger, greedy for gain….and while you work for their good they are completely yours….but when danger comes nearer, they turn away". That was Machiavelli, about five hundred years ago, who was generally a pretty sound fellow when it came to helping the aristocracy work out how to run things.
John Stuart Mill, about 200 years ago saw all the problems which would occur if you allowed the lowlife to get paid for their efforts. It would "allow adventurers of low class into parliament for whom there would be prizes for the most successful flatterer". And then, in Adam Smith's words, they would indulge in the sort of profligacy which comes from the noble mission of spending other people's money. It is very easy to take the moral high ground when you are spending the Count's hard won inheritance.
So I asked my butler, Digdog, to find out how much these vermin were costing the Count. The dog dug but without much success. The vermin are not too keen on advertising how much they spend on themselves. Freedom of Information, public accounting, and audited accounts are something for humans, not for the vermin in the commons. Eventually Digdog found that the Commons admitted to blowing away £133 million on themselves.
£133 million smelt of meadow mayonnaise to the Count's well tuned nose. Sure enough, the vermin do not include the cost of security, upkeep of Westminster or any of the ministerial perks and privileges. Their costs are the baboon's bollocks.
I told Digdog to go and sweep out the lake while I turned to a more reliable source of information: the Lords. Sadly the Lords is now full of the very worst sort of flatterer since all the true bloods have been dismissed in favour of Tony's cronies. But some of the Noblesss Oblige has rubbed off on the staff who are still producing honest information. Honesty and information are absolutley forbidden in the lower chamber of commons vermin.
The Lords produced a handy report showing that the Commons cost us £269 million: that's more than twice what the Commons themselves admitted to. That is nearly £400,000 for each nonentity that is trying to flatter his or her way into a ministerial limo and a knighthood. To put it into Commons-speak, we could hire another 10,000 nurses for the cost of the commons.
The Lords, by contrast, cost a measly £61 million a year. Run the Commons at the same cost as the Lords, and we would save £200 million and have another 8,000 nurses from Lithuania, Poland, South Africa and Malawi looking after deserving cases like the Count.
This, of course, is yet more evidence we should be bringing back a proper form of government: let the hereditary lords run things and you will not get Iraq, B. Liar and sleaze and spin. You will get the Count.
The alternative is to let the Brussels parliament take over. They cost a very modest £712 million or more than £1.1 million per euro-MP. Their noses and tongues are brown for two reasons: they either have their snout where the sun don't shine, or they have it firmly planted in the euro-gravy train. This is simple bribery: pay an unemployable vermin from Sunderland or Slovenia £1 million a year and even if they can not spell Europe, they will become fanatically pro-european. And most of us do not even know who our euro-MP is, let alone what they do for their £1 million a year.
So if we can not put in place a decent aristocratic government led by the Count, then the least we can hope for is that the European slime balls will bribe the Count with £1 million a year. For that, I might be able to find some aristocratic goodwill to the vermin before setting my dogs on them.
The slimey creepy crawlies who represent the lowest form of life on the planet, apart from Oasis, are of course our pompous, preening, overpaid MPs. Not that anything has changed in the last few thousand years ago. These low life have always been among us, easily identified by their brown noses and tongues.
Here is one version: "they are ungrateful, fickle, simulators and deceivers, avoiders of danger, greedy for gain….and while you work for their good they are completely yours….but when danger comes nearer, they turn away". That was Machiavelli, about five hundred years ago, who was generally a pretty sound fellow when it came to helping the aristocracy work out how to run things.
John Stuart Mill, about 200 years ago saw all the problems which would occur if you allowed the lowlife to get paid for their efforts. It would "allow adventurers of low class into parliament for whom there would be prizes for the most successful flatterer". And then, in Adam Smith's words, they would indulge in the sort of profligacy which comes from the noble mission of spending other people's money. It is very easy to take the moral high ground when you are spending the Count's hard won inheritance.
So I asked my butler, Digdog, to find out how much these vermin were costing the Count. The dog dug but without much success. The vermin are not too keen on advertising how much they spend on themselves. Freedom of Information, public accounting, and audited accounts are something for humans, not for the vermin in the commons. Eventually Digdog found that the Commons admitted to blowing away £133 million on themselves.
£133 million smelt of meadow mayonnaise to the Count's well tuned nose. Sure enough, the vermin do not include the cost of security, upkeep of Westminster or any of the ministerial perks and privileges. Their costs are the baboon's bollocks.
I told Digdog to go and sweep out the lake while I turned to a more reliable source of information: the Lords. Sadly the Lords is now full of the very worst sort of flatterer since all the true bloods have been dismissed in favour of Tony's cronies. But some of the Noblesss Oblige has rubbed off on the staff who are still producing honest information. Honesty and information are absolutley forbidden in the lower chamber of commons vermin.
The Lords produced a handy report showing that the Commons cost us £269 million: that's more than twice what the Commons themselves admitted to. That is nearly £400,000 for each nonentity that is trying to flatter his or her way into a ministerial limo and a knighthood. To put it into Commons-speak, we could hire another 10,000 nurses for the cost of the commons.
The Lords, by contrast, cost a measly £61 million a year. Run the Commons at the same cost as the Lords, and we would save £200 million and have another 8,000 nurses from Lithuania, Poland, South Africa and Malawi looking after deserving cases like the Count.
This, of course, is yet more evidence we should be bringing back a proper form of government: let the hereditary lords run things and you will not get Iraq, B. Liar and sleaze and spin. You will get the Count.
The alternative is to let the Brussels parliament take over. They cost a very modest £712 million or more than £1.1 million per euro-MP. Their noses and tongues are brown for two reasons: they either have their snout where the sun don't shine, or they have it firmly planted in the euro-gravy train. This is simple bribery: pay an unemployable vermin from Sunderland or Slovenia £1 million a year and even if they can not spell Europe, they will become fanatically pro-european. And most of us do not even know who our euro-MP is, let alone what they do for their £1 million a year.
So if we can not put in place a decent aristocratic government led by the Count, then the least we can hope for is that the European slime balls will bribe the Count with £1 million a year. For that, I might be able to find some aristocratic goodwill to the vermin before setting my dogs on them.
posted by Count Kostov at
7:02 pm
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