$90 billion for PowerPoint
$90 billion for a few PowerPoint Presentations seems a little steep, even by the Count's standard billing rate, which is measured in cases of Krug and caviar by the hour. $90 billion would pay for the Count to have his own seas and rivers to be stocked with enough sturgeon to keep the Kostov clan in good shape for the next few centuries or so.
The Count has been hard on our American cousins. But this time he will doff his aristocratic hat to the entrepreneurial spirit of our transatlantic friends.
But before we get too carried away and anyone starts thinking the Count has become a toadying arse licker like Boy Blair, let's do the Count's three step dance to see if American meadow mayonnaise is as rich as British bullshit.
Step One: the venal start. Look at who is behind the numbers and we find one Dave Paradi, who presents himself to the world as the PowerPoint life guard who "rescues his audience from death by PowerPoint." The Count is loathe to call such entrepreneurs commercial slimeballs who will make up any number they can to justify flogging their dodgy services to half baked bozos who can not even put a presentable PowerPoint presentation together. So in the spirit of keeping the libel lawyers at bay, we will applaud this wonderful and diligent piece of work by a consummate professional. Having said which, the Count's very refined nose is starting to detect the unmistakeable odour of dung.
Step Two: The meadow mayonnaise moment. That's right, all $90 billion of it for the time wasted in PowerPoint presentations. The sums are a classic of their kind. Take 30 million powerpoint presentations a day (thank microsoft for this estimate and inflicting the powerpoint plague on planet earth): assume four people per presentation with a quarter of the time wasted costed at the average wage of $35,000 a year, and suddenly you have a $90 billion dung heap.
Step three. The illogical conclusion. We should all hire the PowerPoint lifeguard to save us from ourselves, no doubt at very modest cost.
This is the same patter the countess goes through when the Harrods sale is on. She thinks she can save 30% at the sale on crockery we do not need: only peasants and the bourgoisie buy their own crockery. The count meanwhile saves 100% by not buying any more crockery and using the family crockery and silver instead. The same with PowerPoint. We could save 25% ($90 billion) by using PowerPoint better. Or we could save $360 billion by getting rid of it completely.
Billy Boy at Microsoft might mind, the rest of us would celebrate. Saving the planet $360 billion and ridding it of the PowerPoint plague: the Count has decided to award himself another medal for this, his latest contribution to humanity.
The Count has been hard on our American cousins. But this time he will doff his aristocratic hat to the entrepreneurial spirit of our transatlantic friends.
But before we get too carried away and anyone starts thinking the Count has become a toadying arse licker like Boy Blair, let's do the Count's three step dance to see if American meadow mayonnaise is as rich as British bullshit.
Step One: the venal start. Look at who is behind the numbers and we find one Dave Paradi, who presents himself to the world as the PowerPoint life guard who "rescues his audience from death by PowerPoint." The Count is loathe to call such entrepreneurs commercial slimeballs who will make up any number they can to justify flogging their dodgy services to half baked bozos who can not even put a presentable PowerPoint presentation together. So in the spirit of keeping the libel lawyers at bay, we will applaud this wonderful and diligent piece of work by a consummate professional. Having said which, the Count's very refined nose is starting to detect the unmistakeable odour of dung.
Step Two: The meadow mayonnaise moment. That's right, all $90 billion of it for the time wasted in PowerPoint presentations. The sums are a classic of their kind. Take 30 million powerpoint presentations a day (thank microsoft for this estimate and inflicting the powerpoint plague on planet earth): assume four people per presentation with a quarter of the time wasted costed at the average wage of $35,000 a year, and suddenly you have a $90 billion dung heap.
Step three. The illogical conclusion. We should all hire the PowerPoint lifeguard to save us from ourselves, no doubt at very modest cost.
This is the same patter the countess goes through when the Harrods sale is on. She thinks she can save 30% at the sale on crockery we do not need: only peasants and the bourgoisie buy their own crockery. The count meanwhile saves 100% by not buying any more crockery and using the family crockery and silver instead. The same with PowerPoint. We could save 25% ($90 billion) by using PowerPoint better. Or we could save $360 billion by getting rid of it completely.
Billy Boy at Microsoft might mind, the rest of us would celebrate. Saving the planet $360 billion and ridding it of the PowerPoint plague: the Count has decided to award himself another medal for this, his latest contribution to humanity.
posted by Count Kostov at
9:18 pm
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