If a little education is a dangerous thing, then too little is lethal.
Inevitably, there is someone who wants to put a cost to this. The cost of poor basic skills is £10 billion. Why £10 billion? Anything has to be £10 billion for anyone to wake up and notice. Personally, the count would wake up and take notice if someone offered him just one million. £10 billion? That's enough to create 9,000 millionaires and still leave enough for the Count to become a billionaire. I could then afford my well deserved caviar and krug on a daily basis.
Before I dance in celebration at the prospect of new found wealth, let's do the Count's three step dance to reveal the truth behind the £10 billion.
Step One: the venal start. Look no further than the people who commissioned the research. Who do we find? The DfES, or the Education Ministry, desperately trying to justify spending more money on bogus exams and qualifications. Every time the vermin run around celebrating the 120% pass rate and universal A* grades for all students who can remember their own names, they should be reminded of their own research that shows lack of basic skills costs the economy £10 billion a year. Quite how every year brings record results for these "hard working students" (which is an oxymoron like Microsoft Works or Military Intelligence or even Civil Servants who are neither civil nor do they serve the people they tax and rule - but the count digresses in the middle of a long sentence), is a mystery when the same government is complaining about the lack of basic skills being produced by the education system they mismanage.
The count will now award himself a medal for the longest sentence ever written. It was nearly long as the average German word. Award yourself a medal if you read it without falling asleep. The Count is ever generous in letting you give things to yourself.
Step two: the meadow mayonnaise moment. £10 billion? Kiss my aristocratic pants. The DfES announced that this cost was estimated from the equally unlikely fact they produced in their press release: "More than 7 million people in England do not have the skills expected of an 11 year old". Has anyone in the DfES noticed that there are more than 7 million people in the UK who are aged under 11, so it is not surprising that more than 7 million people do not have the skills of an eleven year old. Duh. The people who are lacking the basic skills of an 11 year old clearly land up writing DfES press releases, on the basis that there is no lower form of life known in the universe, other than actually running the DfES.
Step three: the illogical conclusion. Since all the education spending has failed to deliver the required skills, the DfES conclusion is that we should spend more money doing the same thing to get a different result. Of course, once you have claimed a £10 billion problem lies out there, spending £1.5 billion seems very modest.
The only way they get away with this is when we lack the basic skills to realise that their cost of the basic skills problem is bullshit and that spending more money doing the same thing will not solve the problem anyway.
There is, naturally, a much better way to spend the money. Or, to use the government's own weasel words when they try to cover up profligate spending: there is a much better way to invest the money. They should invest the money in building the social and economic capital of the Count himself. At least I would have the decency to write a thank you note before my mind melts into a drink and drug fuelled haze.
Inevitably, there is someone who wants to put a cost to this. The cost of poor basic skills is £10 billion. Why £10 billion? Anything has to be £10 billion for anyone to wake up and notice. Personally, the count would wake up and take notice if someone offered him just one million. £10 billion? That's enough to create 9,000 millionaires and still leave enough for the Count to become a billionaire. I could then afford my well deserved caviar and krug on a daily basis.
Before I dance in celebration at the prospect of new found wealth, let's do the Count's three step dance to reveal the truth behind the £10 billion.
Step One: the venal start. Look no further than the people who commissioned the research. Who do we find? The DfES, or the Education Ministry, desperately trying to justify spending more money on bogus exams and qualifications. Every time the vermin run around celebrating the 120% pass rate and universal A* grades for all students who can remember their own names, they should be reminded of their own research that shows lack of basic skills costs the economy £10 billion a year. Quite how every year brings record results for these "hard working students" (which is an oxymoron like Microsoft Works or Military Intelligence or even Civil Servants who are neither civil nor do they serve the people they tax and rule - but the count digresses in the middle of a long sentence), is a mystery when the same government is complaining about the lack of basic skills being produced by the education system they mismanage.
The count will now award himself a medal for the longest sentence ever written. It was nearly long as the average German word. Award yourself a medal if you read it without falling asleep. The Count is ever generous in letting you give things to yourself.
Step two: the meadow mayonnaise moment. £10 billion? Kiss my aristocratic pants. The DfES announced that this cost was estimated from the equally unlikely fact they produced in their press release: "More than 7 million people in England do not have the skills expected of an 11 year old". Has anyone in the DfES noticed that there are more than 7 million people in the UK who are aged under 11, so it is not surprising that more than 7 million people do not have the skills of an eleven year old. Duh. The people who are lacking the basic skills of an 11 year old clearly land up writing DfES press releases, on the basis that there is no lower form of life known in the universe, other than actually running the DfES.
Step three: the illogical conclusion. Since all the education spending has failed to deliver the required skills, the DfES conclusion is that we should spend more money doing the same thing to get a different result. Of course, once you have claimed a £10 billion problem lies out there, spending £1.5 billion seems very modest.
The only way they get away with this is when we lack the basic skills to realise that their cost of the basic skills problem is bullshit and that spending more money doing the same thing will not solve the problem anyway.
There is, naturally, a much better way to spend the money. Or, to use the government's own weasel words when they try to cover up profligate spending: there is a much better way to invest the money. They should invest the money in building the social and economic capital of the Count himself. At least I would have the decency to write a thank you note before my mind melts into a drink and drug fuelled haze.
posted by Count Kostov at
7:00 pm
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