A bucket, spade and $63 billion dollars is all the count needs for a happy holiday.
As ever, there is a catch. In this case, several catches.
First, it is a pretty sad day when the count is demoted from building castles to awe the locals to building sand castles to awe the kids. Not that they will be impressed anyway.
Second, my local friendly travel agent was 100% correct that I would be able to build lots of sand castles. She omitted to mention that she was sending me to Mongolia where there is a vast desert known locally as "Go in never come out again." I think she may be pursuing a vendetta against me. She has never been the same since she discovered I was not going to make her a countess. She had been counting on it.
Third, there is the small matter of $63 billion. This is the annual cost of bad weather. Most of it is waiting to attack innocent holiday makers like cossacks waiting in the woods for a passing caravan of wealthy traders or, preferably, young virgins.
Time for the counts three step dance.
1) The venal start. Let's see who is behind this study. It could be reinsurance brokers trying to drum up more insurance business. In this case it is even lower life: the Red Cross trying to drum up more funds to keep their employees stocked with oversized 4x4 vehicles with which they can roam the poorer parts of the world like latter day colonialists enjoying imperial comforts for their self sacrifice with our money. There are kinder interpretations of the Red Cross, but the count did not get where he is today (mostly wandering the streets looking for someone to spare him the price of a cup of vodka) by being kind.
2) The meadow mayonnaise moment. $63 billion? Give me a break. This is not about the poor dying. This is about Miami golf club members needing $1 million each to buy new golf clubs and cars and for the emotional stress of seeing their ball blown off the fairway into the rough. Most disasters hardly get reported. Will all pitched in for the Asian tsunami because some poor holiday makers copped it. When it is just locals no one cares. Did you hear about the tsunami in Papua New Guinea about six years ago? It killed a few thousand. Hey, they don't look good on camera, they don't speak English well so what is the emotional news value of that. Let them die. Meanwhile, we will pour millions into the pockets of western toursits and into the hands of corrupt kleptocrats and bureaucrats in South Asia.
The Red Cross admit that their estimated cost of weather disasters has risen 20 fold in the last fifty years. The number of people dying from weather disasters has decreased in the same time. So the cost is not about bailing out the poor and defenceless. It is about bailing out the rich who choose to construct their holiday hideaways on low beaches on hurricane highways.
3) The illogical conclusion. We all need to cough up more to keep the road show on the road. They need less money better spent where it counts.
In particular, they need to set aside a reserve for rescuing poor, defenceless Counts from sandstorms in the middle of Mongolia. The only known recovery plan is to give the victim copious champagne and sevruga caviar on the first class flight home.
Enjoy your holidays.
As ever, there is a catch. In this case, several catches.
First, it is a pretty sad day when the count is demoted from building castles to awe the locals to building sand castles to awe the kids. Not that they will be impressed anyway.
Second, my local friendly travel agent was 100% correct that I would be able to build lots of sand castles. She omitted to mention that she was sending me to Mongolia where there is a vast desert known locally as "Go in never come out again." I think she may be pursuing a vendetta against me. She has never been the same since she discovered I was not going to make her a countess. She had been counting on it.
Third, there is the small matter of $63 billion. This is the annual cost of bad weather. Most of it is waiting to attack innocent holiday makers like cossacks waiting in the woods for a passing caravan of wealthy traders or, preferably, young virgins.
Time for the counts three step dance.
1) The venal start. Let's see who is behind this study. It could be reinsurance brokers trying to drum up more insurance business. In this case it is even lower life: the Red Cross trying to drum up more funds to keep their employees stocked with oversized 4x4 vehicles with which they can roam the poorer parts of the world like latter day colonialists enjoying imperial comforts for their self sacrifice with our money. There are kinder interpretations of the Red Cross, but the count did not get where he is today (mostly wandering the streets looking for someone to spare him the price of a cup of vodka) by being kind.
2) The meadow mayonnaise moment. $63 billion? Give me a break. This is not about the poor dying. This is about Miami golf club members needing $1 million each to buy new golf clubs and cars and for the emotional stress of seeing their ball blown off the fairway into the rough. Most disasters hardly get reported. Will all pitched in for the Asian tsunami because some poor holiday makers copped it. When it is just locals no one cares. Did you hear about the tsunami in Papua New Guinea about six years ago? It killed a few thousand. Hey, they don't look good on camera, they don't speak English well so what is the emotional news value of that. Let them die. Meanwhile, we will pour millions into the pockets of western toursits and into the hands of corrupt kleptocrats and bureaucrats in South Asia.
The Red Cross admit that their estimated cost of weather disasters has risen 20 fold in the last fifty years. The number of people dying from weather disasters has decreased in the same time. So the cost is not about bailing out the poor and defenceless. It is about bailing out the rich who choose to construct their holiday hideaways on low beaches on hurricane highways.
3) The illogical conclusion. We all need to cough up more to keep the road show on the road. They need less money better spent where it counts.
In particular, they need to set aside a reserve for rescuing poor, defenceless Counts from sandstorms in the middle of Mongolia. The only known recovery plan is to give the victim copious champagne and sevruga caviar on the first class flight home.
Enjoy your holidays.
posted by Count Kostov at
12:12 pm
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home