Champagne poverty
The Count has discovered that he is living in champagne poverty. Fortunately, this is a crisis that our masters in Parliament are now going to resolve. A DTI committee of MPs has been looking urgently into the problem of the Count's champagne poverty. It has some dire warinings for the Count. In a scarcely veiled reference to the Count's champagne habit, the Committee declared that "the largest users may either have to suffer interruptions to their supply or pay very high prices". What with Xmas round the corner, an interruption to the Count's champagne supply is a serious matter. And as for the price of Krug, well they bloody well should do something about that.
The committee reminded the government that it has "a role to play in ensuring the European market is opened up, and that the largest firms co-operate to guard against shortages. " Given that most of the champagne houses are owned by LVMH, this is not good news: they are already carving the market up badly enough.
The casual reader may wonder how the government defines champagne poverty: it defines it as anyone who spends more than 10% of their income on champagne. By the same reckoning, the Countess suffers from severe Harvey Nichols poverty, especially when the January sales come round. The Count has been busy trying to locate and destroy her Harvey Nicks store card, without success.
It was only on re-reading the committee report that the Count discovered that they were referring not to champagne poverty, but to fuel poverty. So if you spend over 10% on something, then you are in poverty for that thing and the whole constitution of do-gooders and committees and commissions will work overtime on how to spend other people's money solving the problem.
The 10% of income rule means that half my acquaintances are in severe fast car and faster women poverty. Most of the population of the UK is in housing poverty. And the Count is most definitely in champagne, and possibly taxi, poverty.
On the other hand, my butler is not in poverty at all. He works for food, shelter and the opportunity to make vast amounts of unearned cash from house guests and the more credulous corporate guests who happily trade their money for the Kostov style once in a while. So once again the aristocrats have found the solution to another pressing problem: stop paying people and thereby remove poverty.
In the meantime, the Count will plunge deeper into champagne poverty for the sake of Xmas...cheers!
The committee reminded the government that it has "a role to play in ensuring the European market is opened up, and that the largest firms co-operate to guard against shortages. " Given that most of the champagne houses are owned by LVMH, this is not good news: they are already carving the market up badly enough.
The casual reader may wonder how the government defines champagne poverty: it defines it as anyone who spends more than 10% of their income on champagne. By the same reckoning, the Countess suffers from severe Harvey Nichols poverty, especially when the January sales come round. The Count has been busy trying to locate and destroy her Harvey Nicks store card, without success.
It was only on re-reading the committee report that the Count discovered that they were referring not to champagne poverty, but to fuel poverty. So if you spend over 10% on something, then you are in poverty for that thing and the whole constitution of do-gooders and committees and commissions will work overtime on how to spend other people's money solving the problem.
The 10% of income rule means that half my acquaintances are in severe fast car and faster women poverty. Most of the population of the UK is in housing poverty. And the Count is most definitely in champagne, and possibly taxi, poverty.
On the other hand, my butler is not in poverty at all. He works for food, shelter and the opportunity to make vast amounts of unearned cash from house guests and the more credulous corporate guests who happily trade their money for the Kostov style once in a while. So once again the aristocrats have found the solution to another pressing problem: stop paying people and thereby remove poverty.
In the meantime, the Count will plunge deeper into champagne poverty for the sake of Xmas...cheers!
posted by Count Kostov at
5:32 pm
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home