The cost of shit
The Count finds perverse interest in paddling through the effluent which politicians, lobbyists and corrupt scientists spew forth from their backsides (or wherever they talk from). On one paddle up yet another shitty creek, the Count wondered how much all this meadow mayonnaise might be worth.
Fortunately, help is at hand. The Ministry of Agriculture, Food and Rural Affairs for Ontario has done a very precise estimate for the value of this shit. I will spare you the details. The answer looks like it is about £5 per acre of shit. The University of Minnesota has produced a long algorithm to help you work out how to maximise the value of your shit. It apparently depends on the type of shit, when you apply it and how much you have to handle it. Haven't they heard of peasants? Keep a good stock of peasants on your land and they will not only handle all the shit you can produce, they will eat it as well. Which is roughly what most citizens of modern democracies are forced to do every day: we are forced to eat the shit that all these politicians produce every day. "Hi. My name's Tony. I'm a pretty honest sort of guy. Iraq has WMD which will wipe us all out in a nano-second. So let's invade. Ya? Good Idea? OK!! Tough on honesty and tough on the sources of honesty, ya!"
The difference between hog shit and politician shit is that hog shit is at least useful; you can choose to buy it or not buy it; you can spread it where you want. Politician shit has negative value, and we have no choice about it: we are force fed the crap every day.
Where's that bloody vodka bottle gone?
Fortunately, help is at hand. The Ministry of Agriculture, Food and Rural Affairs for Ontario has done a very precise estimate for the value of this shit. I will spare you the details. The answer looks like it is about £5 per acre of shit. The University of Minnesota has produced a long algorithm to help you work out how to maximise the value of your shit. It apparently depends on the type of shit, when you apply it and how much you have to handle it. Haven't they heard of peasants? Keep a good stock of peasants on your land and they will not only handle all the shit you can produce, they will eat it as well. Which is roughly what most citizens of modern democracies are forced to do every day: we are forced to eat the shit that all these politicians produce every day. "Hi. My name's Tony. I'm a pretty honest sort of guy. Iraq has WMD which will wipe us all out in a nano-second. So let's invade. Ya? Good Idea? OK!! Tough on honesty and tough on the sources of honesty, ya!"
The difference between hog shit and politician shit is that hog shit is at least useful; you can choose to buy it or not buy it; you can spread it where you want. Politician shit has negative value, and we have no choice about it: we are force fed the crap every day.
Where's that bloody vodka bottle gone?
posted by Count Kostov at
1:46 pm
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